Death's Waiting Room

For the last month or so, I've been having some tests done at the doctor's office. There's nothing wrong, but I just wanted to make sure of that. I'm somewhat of a hypochondriac, at times.

Last week when I went to see him, he took about six or seven vials of blood and he told me that if one of his nurses hadn't contacted me within two weeks, to call them and make an appointment to go over my results.

Easy enough.

A week and a half goes by, so I assumed everything was just fine. Not so much. I woke up this morning and my mom told me that the doctor's office had called, but didn't leave a message. "Terrific," I thought. So I called them back and they told me they needed me to come in and see the doctor and that they couldn't give me my results over the phone.

Immediately after hanging up, I started thinking about it. "Oh fuck, I've got cancer," I thought to myself. I went upstairs, got dressed and immediately headed out the door, because honestly, I didn't want to spend any more time convincing myself I had leukemia or some shit.

I waited in the waiting room with an old couple that looked like they were late for an appointment with the Grim Reaper and a really hyperactive little boy and his young - presumably single, presumably on welfare - single mother.

Hooray for me.

When I met with the doctor, he asked me how I was, to which I replied with, "That depends doc." He handed me a piece of paper that read as follows:

Vitamin D .............. 42 .............. 75 - 200

I looked at him confused, and said, "Vitamin D? Seriously?" And basically, he told me I lack vitamin by quite a bit. So, despite my preconceived, self-diagnosed non-cancer, I'm actually quite healthy, aside from being a paranoid hypochondriac and vitamin D-lacker.

But really, come on. They scared the shit out of me! You don't call somebody in for their blood test results because of a vitamin D deficiency. That's something I would've gladly waited another week to hear from him.

Oh well, I'm just glad I'm a healthy boy.